#AgonyMami (1) – Ladies Man

Dear #AgonyMami

I have this boyfriend who I am very unsure about. In my state of uncertainty I went through his phone and found conversations between him and other girls. I asked him about this and he said they are all just “friends” but then why does he call them “babe”? My problem really is that I once texted one of his “friends” to ask about the nature of their relationship and he got so angry, even telling me I should stop thinking I’m his wife and no one told me we are dating. He apologized and we are now back together and fine, but his phone beeps continuously and he always has one or the other girl posted on social media. His Whatsapp profile picture also disappears once in a while and he then tells me that he his phone “wiped all his contacts” but what iPhone wipes contacts? I hate feeling this stupid but would it be reasonable for me to tell him that I do not appreciate him having all these female friends? We have only been together for two months and this could turn into something beautiful, but not if he is cheating on me already.

Dear Anonymous

I do not want to sound harsh, but are you sure you’re not the only one who is in this relationship???

Your boyfriend doesn’t seem to care about you or this relationship and if that’s the case then you should not be caring about him as much as you do. Us ladies tend to think that staying with a guy who does us wrong or treats us badly, is a measure of our loyalty and that could not be any further away from the truth.

You have every right to voice your concerns, if this is a relationship you truly want, but do not go into it thinking you’re going to change someone who wants to -for a lack of a better expression-, ‘eat his youth’, into a monogamist.

There is nothing wrong with being single and you should therefore take your time and think of what it is that you want out of a relationship and what it is that you are willing to compromise on to be in a normal, stable and EQUALLY-serving relationship.

If he gets angry at you for being concerned about what happens in the relationship or what he does outside of it that can possibly affect you, then he is not someone you want to be with long-term.

There is a possibility that he just has many friends and he felt embarrassed when you contacted one of his friends, but if that is the case, then he can talk to you about it in a respectful manner and not tell you to stop acting like there is a relationship between the two of you. That alone should give you an idea of how you will be treated throughout the relationship.

Do not lose yourself to someone you met two months ago, matter of fact, no relationship (no matter how long) can ever be worth your mental well-being.

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